Is your child struggling with academic or social pressure? Learn signs of school anxiety in kids ages 6 to 12 and practical parenting strategies to help.

Published: July 14, 2025

Estimated reading time: 5 minutes

If your child has school anxiety — maybe they seem stressed about homework and tests, or they’ve recently told you they don’t feel like going to school — you’re not alone. Sometimes, elementary and middle school students face social or academic pressures that can cause negative feelings toward their school environment.

“As kids get older, academic expectations increase, and social dynamics become more complex,” said Heather M. Felton, M.D., pediatrician with Norton Children’s Medical Group. “While it’s not uncommon for parents to navigate school-related challenges with their adolescent, the good news is that there are meaningful ways to support your child through them.”

Common causes of school anxiety in kids ages 6 to 12

Children ages 6 to 12 are navigating significant developmental changes each year. During the elementary and middle school years, children are experiencing rapid physical, mental and emotional development — while constantly learning new educational material and navigating social environments. All of this can be overwhelming at times. Common causes of children’s school struggles may include:

General anxiety is common among adolescents. Your child might feel school anxiety due to tests, presentations or social situations. They may not always verbalize their feelings; sometimes anxiety can manifest as a stomachache or headache that suddenly appears before it’s time to go to school.

Social difficulties can make school feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Bullying, friendship conflicts or feeling left out can create feelings of shame or distress.

Academic pressure can feel intense, even for younger children. If your child is struggling to keep up or feels like they are disappointing you or their teacher, they might want to avoid school altogether.

Physical illnesses can disrupt a child’s school routine and make it harder to get back into the rhythm of regular attendance.

Changes at home or school, such as a new teacher, moving to a new school, family stress or other transitions can trigger school avoidance behaviors.

How to talk to your child about their school anxiety

Here are several conversation tips for how to talk to your child about their struggles with school:

1) Approach the conversation with open curiosity. Instead of asking, “Why don’t you want to go to school?” try, “I’ve noticed school has been feeling hard lately. Can you tell me what’s been on your mind?”

2) Choose calm moments to start discussions. Let your child know that their feelings are OK and that you want to understand their experience.

3) Listen more than you speak. When children feel heard and understood, they are more likely to share what’s bothering them. Avoid jumping in with solutions right away or dismissing their concerns as “not a big deal.” Relate to them and share your own experiences.

4) Connect to your child’s school day without being overbearing. Ask about their day, show interest in their work and maintain communication with teachers. However, try to give your child some encouragement to develop independent problem-solving skills.

“Teaching children resilience is important, and it happens through regular practice and support,” said Dr. Felton. “Celebrate small victories, like your child trying a new coping strategy or being open with their feelings. Progress is more important than perfection.”

If your child is struggling academically, stay in communication with your child’s teacher. They can offer insights into your child’s learning habits and their struggles and can offer ideas for additional support.

Protecting sleep and structured routines
Developing consistent routines for your child provides stability to help them navigate the school environment. Ensuring your child gets adequate sleep is necessary to support their health, learning and ability to handle stress.

School-age children need nine to 12 hours of sleep each night, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Create a calming nighttime routine that begins at least an hour before your child’s bedtime. This might include dimming lights, avoiding electronic screens and engaging in quiet activities like reading or low-key conversation.

Proper nutrition and regular mealtimes are also necessary components to support your child’s physical and emotional health.

When to get help for school anxiety

Occasional reluctance to go to school is normal, but sometimes it warrants seeking support from a mental health professional. If your child is expressing negative thoughts about themselves, it could be affecting their self-esteem.

Parents should pay attention to the following red flag signs:

• Your child’s school avoidance persists for more than a few days.
• Their negative feelings surrounding school intensify or worsen without improvements.
• Your child is showing significant changes in their eating, sleeping or behavior.
• Your child expresses thoughts about hurting themselves or others.

Work with your child’s teacher, school counselor and pediatrician to develop a plan that best supports your child. Your child’s pediatrician can screen for any physical or mental health concerns and provide referrals to specialists as necessary. If your child may require additional school support services, a pediatrician can help you draft a written request for an evaluation for an individualized education program, also known as an IEP.

“When it comes to your child’s school anxiety, trust your instincts as a parent,” Dr. Felton said. “If something feels off, or your child’s struggles persist despite your efforts, seeking professional support is a sign of good parenting.”